Letter to My Parents

Hi friends,

As most of you know by now, I officially came out to my parents on Monday. And as most of you know, it did not go well. My parents are old-fashioned, prejudiced Baptist Christians who refuse to accept that this is who I am. They refuse to believe that this is not a choice; it is impossible to them that I was simply born this way and cannot deny that which I am. My father has already pretty much broken ties with me, and my mother is currently attempting to guilt me into "choosing to be straight." Since they refuse to listen to what I have to say, and will probably never change their minds, I'm going to say what I want them to hear and understand here, so that it will at least be out in the universe:

Mom and Dad,

I know that you do understand or approve of my choice to live my life as a gay man. You raised me to be an upstanding, faithful Christian man who marries a woman and has children and a mortgage and a pet; the whole "white picket fence" American dream that most parents in our society want for their children. And were I a normal male child, this would probably be where I would inevitably end up.

But I'm not. I'm not attracted to women; I'm attracted to men. Don't get me wrong- I love my friends that are women as if they were my own sisters. But I am not attracted to them in a physical, emotional, or spiritual sense. I have no interest in kissing, marrying, or having sex with a woman. This is not something I can help; it is not a "choice." I did not wake up one day and choose to pursue men instead of women. I know you believe the Bible teaches that homosexuality is a choice; I do not believe this is what the Bible teaches at all. There has never been a time in my life when I have been attracted to women. I am genetically designed to find physical attraction in another man- there is no choice involved in what or who I am attracted to.

That said, while it absolutely breaks my heart that you cannot accept me for what I am, I am not going to stop being who I am for your sake. I'm sorry if that hurts you, but I cannot deny myself to make you happy. You raised me to lead my own life and make my own decisions, and if you cannot accept or support those decisions, then I understand. But I fully intend to live my life my way, whether or not it makes you happy; I am tired of living a life of lies and fear and secrecy. I intend to be a fully open and loving gay man; if you cannot love me through this, then your love is not as strong for me as you claim.

I love you both with my entire heart, and I will always be here for you and will do whatever I can for you. If you choose to cut me out of your life or stop acknowledging me as your son, then that is your prerogative, but know that this is not a decision you can reverse later when you decide you're okay with what I am. I am gay. I'm not asking you to like it, or accept it; I'm just asking you to still love me even if you don't approve. If you cannot do that, then I have nothing further to say.

With all the love in my heart,
Brian